The Words given by My Father That Saved Us when I became a First-Time Parent

"I believe I was simply just surviving for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the challenges of being a father.

But the reality rapidly proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he burnt out. That was when a talk with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward statement "You're not in a good place. You require assistance. In what way can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more accustomed to addressing the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties fathers go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his challenges are linked to a wider inability to talk among men, who still internalise harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of failure to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a break - taking a few days away, away from the family home, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and understand his decisions as a father.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing emotional pain meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "bad decisions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a trusted person, your partner or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that made you feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and when you can, sleep, all are important in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the difficult parts, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can support your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the safety and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I think my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I'm learning an equal amount as you are on this path."