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Our close companions for over two decades, a person who's overcome many challenges, and I respect her for that. However, she's constantly blindsided by others. Her spouse left her, which came as a huge shock. Many of her friends disappeared then, because they seemed only interested in her husband. This surprised her deeply. She made more effort to be my friend, probably grasped more acutely what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

In the time since, quite a few of her friends have drifted apart and she isn't certain of the reason. Her last employer became hostile, although she was very skilled at her work, her exit happened not understanding what had changed.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, both of us left the workforce and are seeing frequent meetups, but I am finding the part I play in the relationship is to listen. I open topics of conversation and she changes them to her own topics. Politically, she has unyielding views. I try to propose verifying facts and different perspectives.

She's been organizing a vacation abroad I have traveled to repeatedly even called home for a while. I attempted to share insights, but this was met with resistance. She really just desired me to confirm her decisions. I have come back from 30 days there she is eager to catch up, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I am unwilling to be a friend that walks away abruptly, yet I doubt she will ever comprehend the consequences of her actions on my self-esteem. Currently, I find myself in pulling back. What should I do?

Ways Forward

You could cut and run, however, that approach is not often a smooth outcome we imagine. Yet having a direct talk with a view to a solution requires bravery and willingness from both people.

Therapists recommend trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step is to state how things go in your conversations. It should be based on facts and essentially what a recording device would replay. Next involves sharing the way it leaves you feeling. There should be no disagreement about this. What you feel are your feelings, of course. Step three involves requesting ways you together will alter the dynamics between you."

Remember your friend has her own side, so you need to stay open to hear that. An approach that works is telling her:

"Please share your thoughts while I will not say anything for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably successful in fostering better communication.

Closing Considerations

She might reject your concerns, since certain individuals hold onto a deep-seated story: they rely on a story of their life they cannot let go of since their identity is tied to it and it represents they've known. It's tough when there seems no thoroughfare here, mere obstacles. But she may at first react this way and then think about what you've said. If you never reach a fix, it provides satisfaction knowing you were honest with her.